Spiral

I should be happy, but I'm not. Don't get me wrong, my life has vastly improved in recent times, but I can't stop thinking about her. I should have moved on... I THOUGHT I HAD. I keep bouncing back though, thinking about what we had. I just don't think I can be content with what I have, I'm always looking for something more.

The Seeker, right?

Parallels

My ex wrote a journal and gave it to me. It's eerie to see how many of the same things we were thinking, feeling, and wanting at the same time.

Reading it makes me feel sick. Like I tore out a part of me that I still need to live, but that I'm afraid if I put it back in, my body would reject it.

I have to walk away. I have to go work out. My mind is slipping. I can feel myself slipping. I don't know how long I can continue to live this way. I have to make a change.

Things have taken a turn for the better

So after quite a long time of completely unfortunate turns in my life, I have finally made a breakthrough back into the light.

Let me give some background. Firstly, I had a job all lined up that I was pretty sure was a done deal, but turned out to not be as squared away as I thought it was. I failed to get the job despite what was a phenomenal interview and the best references I could find. I kind of just fell into a pit of despair when it came to job hunting.

However, the interviewer was so impressed with me that she created another position just so that I could be part of the team. I am beyond ecstatic.

I had a call for my temporary job tonight, but unfortunately I was too slow on my response and got passed over.

Day #5 on not drinking. Not that impressive, but you have to start somewhere.

I really want a cigar on a whim.


Time to hop on the exercise bike.


Tonight was a good night.