I've been riding a high for quite a while now. That is.... until I found a ton of old emails and pictures. I had been in a nostalgic mood because of all the recent funerals and this pushed me over the edge. Luckily, I haven't done anything regrettable, but the desire is there. I miss the way things were. Not the terrible parts (which were the majority of the past), but the times where things were actually in harmony.
I miss the ones I used to have bonds with that I don't see or talk to anymore. I miss the thrill of the taboos I was close to committing. I miss it all.
On the other hand, I have my logical side that screams that it was all a sham. That I escaped the pain and how could I even think about going back to that. It's always been this way. When I was in it, As I was getting out, and now that I'm far away from it.
And yet it pulls me back. Back out into the sea of misery.
The brain plays some sick tricks sometimes.
