Scatterbrain

I really wish I posted when I was ecstatic, but I don't need to get things out of my head during those times. It's only when I've hit a low that I feel the need to purge these thoughts onto paper, or in this case, onto a webpage.

I'm suffering. Not because I'm unhappy with the way things are now, but because I imagine the way things could have been and it drives me absolutely crazy that I wasn't able to succeed in creating that. I DIDN'T EVEN WANT IT, BUT IT BOTHERS ME ANYWAYS.

Ugh, my mind makes no sense. I remember all the shitty times in vivid detail and for some reason, I still want it. I remember the HELL I was dragged through and I still find my mind wandering back to it. It's like my mind craves the thrills, aggravation, and arousal that it caused. It may have been bad, but it was interesting.

But if I revealed this, it would be interpreted the wrong way by everyone. Not that I give a shit about what people think, but the consequences and actions would effect me.

She would take it the wrong way and I'd hurt the one I currently love.

I know how things are going to end up and it scares me to death because I can see the end and not the path. How does point A meet up with Point B?

I have a feeling that there is a lot of pain in my future.